Free Falling
by DrowningFromTheInside
Summary: Rape is a vile act, it wrecks life, tears relationships apart, ends lives. Evie understands this better than most, more than she wants to. Dark themes, only one M rated chap, but I warn it.
1. Shattered

**I do not own The Outsiders.**

I remember the first time I did it like it was a few seconds ago. It  
hurt so bad. Looking into the mirror after; tears I didn't know  
existed trailing down my cheek; the edges of my eyes tinged with  
red.

I raised a shaking hand to my cheek to my cheek, slowly brushed it  
away feeling the salty water touch my fingertips. Never again, I swore  
to myself. It's not worth it.

But it happened again. And again. And again. And again. Until my life  
slowly spiraled out of control like a ball of yarn falling down the  
stairs. Until I lost the person I started for. Until I lost  
everything; my loose grip on the edge of life slipping free; finger by  
finger; until that last finger let go and I fell into the gust of  
winds traveling to the ground; where my hero was watching; not even  
trying to save me.

A sob escaped my lips as I pressed the cool blade against my skin and  
ripped it back, tearing open skin and blood flowing out.

I watched fascinated for a second, entranced by the red liquid dripping  
off my arm. Too slowly.

Raising the blade again I brought it down against my wrist again,  
cutting deeper this time, making sure to cut the vein.

I did the same to my other wrist numbly.

A thin haze fogged my mind as I sat back, dropping the knife to the  
ground. The clatter it made when it hit the ground caused me to wince,  
it was too loud.

A slight sting caused me to glance down at the bloody mess my arms  
used to be. I heard a gasp escape my lips as I caught sight of a drop  
of clear liquid slowly getting swallowed by the red sea.

That single tear caused more pain than the blade that cut my arms did.

I wasn't going to be found with dry salt stains on my cheeks, I was  
leaving the world brave and strong.

I tried to raise my arm to wipe any tears but they were to heavy, it  
was like they were just dead weight.

With another heavy breath I shut my eyes and leaned my head back until  
it hit the wall behind me. I was going to die soon, I knew it.

The only thing I was really aware of was the tears slowly falling down  
my cheek. Tears of defeat. The world had won.

I slowly fell deeper into the hole; memories spiraling past me; both  
happy and sad.

With another thought I realized I didn't leave a note. I never said  
good-bye.

I tried to open my eyes but couldn't get them past slits before they  
shut again. I was trapped inside a body I couldn't control.

Fighting to open my eyes with still no adue I panicked.

I don't want to die, I'm only sixteen, I have more to do, to  
live...it was a mistake. I don't want to die anymore. . . .

My mind cried out. Please, let me take it back, I don't want to leave.  
It's not worth it. It was a mistake.

A mistake I couldn't take back.

"I'm so sorry..." I whispered, finally coming to terms I was going to  
die, nothing I could do would change it.

"I'm so sorry...I love you Steve."

**. . .**

**What brought her to the point she would rather die then live another**  
**day? What caused her life to spin so out of control? Who is she even?**

**Review please!**


	2. Golden Days

**I do not own The Outsiders.  
**  
"Evie, wake up!" I moaned softly and scrunched my eyes open. After a moment of silence I shut my eyes again, convinced that I woke up on my own accords. The door swinging open seconds later said otherwise.

4 Months Earlier

"Don't make me ask you again! I got work to go to work and ain't gonna waste my time trying to get your lazy ass outta bed and to get you to school!" Without even opening my eyes I knew my mother was already probably half-way out the door by now. She didn't really care if I went to school or not, she liked to pretend she does, that we got a nice family with a real nice daddy and mommy and the sweet little girl, but that's pretty far from it. We ain't close to that at all really, daddy doesn't exist and 'mommy' ain't much of one anyway, even when she is sober. And I ain't close to an angel even compared to some real nasty folks, I'm pretty wild.

I was half-minded to stay in bed until I felt a little tap on my shoulder. Flipping around I came face-to-face with my little brother Sam. He looks a lot like me, dark brown hair, pretty tall, for his age at least. Though he is growing everyday, his hair already looked the part of a greaser, much too long, missing only the grease older guys wore. He's a pretty tough kid, doesn't cry when he falls or gets an itsy-bitsy scratch like most kids his age, probably why I like him so. Last time I saw him cry was when he came running into the house, crying that some tough hood chased him and his friends out of a backyard. Soon enough I learned it was Dallas Winston, and I really couldn't blame him, that boy was one tough hood. Hell he scares me, 'course I ain't ever let on to it.

"Breakfast?" I guessed. A broad smile covered his face and he nodded happily. I gave him a small smile and pushed myself out of bed following him to the kitchen. Searching through the kitchen I made us some eggs, causing us both to be late for school. I was going to do a plain cereal but I couldn't find any milk in the house, and neither Sam nor I could take cereal dry.

I waltzed into first period class a good half hour late, I made sure Sam got to his elementary first and getting ready in the morning isn't a fast thing, doing make-up and getting dressed isn't an easy one-two-step thing, it takes time.

The teacher didn't even look up when I walked in, just told me to come to detention at lunch to make up for the time I missed. I growled at him, he could at least pretend to care about our type, greasers. Socs walk in and they get a long reminder of the importance of school, then are let off just like that.

By the time lunch came I was just itching to get out of class. I was barely three steps out of my class when I felt a strong arm wrap around my waist and pull me towards the wall. I giggled innocently and twirled around to face Steve, my current boyfriend. Ignoring the looks of disgust I kissed him full arm for a minute until I felt him get pulled away from me. I glanced sideways to see Sodapop Curtis grinning ear to ear. "Common Stevie, gotta let 'er breath." he laughed. " So you two down for a movie tonight? I'm bringing Sandy, we can make it a double."

I was never really friends with Sandy until I started dating Steve, now we're best friends. It'd be hard not to be seeing how Steve and Soda are barely ever apart, even for dates, meaning me and Sandy are stuck together basically everyday.

Steve looked at me for approval before turning back to Soda. "Sounds good."

Soda gave one of his famous smiles to me before turning around and jogging off to Two-Bit and another grease I didn't reconize. He was really handsome, but not really my type. Guess I wasn't really his either, I wasn't as beautiful and brilliant as the other girls. I figure Steve wasn't having to much luck having friend like Soda always in the way, so it's kind of like we were meant for each other.

"So babe wanna catch some lunch with me, we can...uhh _borrow_ a car from the shop and head downtown, somewhere real nice. Got my paycheck..." he grinned.

I smiled back, couldn't help it really. Steve was in a good mood and it was good to see. He was angry a lot, with his dad kicking him out and all. Guess he was having a good day, and detention or not I didn't want to wreck it. "Alright sure let's go. Where do you have in mind?"

He grinned devilishly before grabbing my hand and leading me away from the school. "You'll see".

**. . .**I had a great time with Steve, the diner he brought me to wasn't the nicest, but it was a really cute little place just off the main road. Sure a little run down but it 'gave it character' as he explained. He grabbed us a corner booth and bought me a chocolate shake, my favourite. We talked for a long time, for two hours actually, which caused both of us to miss our last classes.

"So your birthdays coming up," he started casually, eyeing me out the corner of his eye. We were walking to my house from the DX after dropping the car back off.

I grinned sheepishly as he continued. "And I was thinkin', I mean it kind of marks the fifth month we've been datin', so how 'bout we do something special. We could grab my old man ride and go off someplace for the weekend, just me and you." he said grinning and looking at me expectantly for an answer.

We had lond stopped walking by then and bit my lip for a second. A whole weekend with him...alone. The thought of it made me shiver with excitment, but I had to think it through. I would have to make sure Sam would be alright...and of course my mom might not think it was such a swell idea, I mean she isn't much of a mom but she stiill knows better than to run off for a weekend with a boy, but still..."Yes."

He let out a loud woop and shoved his fist in the air and started bouncing around for a couple seconds, making me to burst out in laughter. He sure had too much energy.

After he was done he rushed back to my side and I tried to keep a straight face but couldn't, it was just so damn funny.

We were still laughing like that when the Red Conviar pulled up beside us on the curb. Instantly Steve's face went dead serious as he pushed me far behind him against a wall. "Stay there." he ordered while faving the socs piling out of the car.

**. . . **

**First of all thank-you to everyone who put my story on their alert list. They are awesome. Story alerts make me happy, but reviews make me happier! So now you know **_**who**_** its about, but you'll find out more about **_**what**_** brought Evie to the point of suicide in a short 4 months. . . . .**

**This is basically the timeline, same time as when The Outsiders took place, but the book never happened. Ponyboy got drowned, Johnny sliced the soc (not stab), which scared them of without causing any deaths.**

**If your wondering, Sam would be one of the kids Dally, Pony and Johnny chased in the beginning of the book/movie, and if your going by the movie hes the tall dark haired one :)**

**So if you like and want a update, REVIEW :DDDD**


	3. Attack

**I do not own The Outsiders. **

**Evie's POV.  
****  
**As the red Conviar swerved to the side of the road Steve shoved me behind him. "Stay." he ordered in a rough voice; his face hard and emotions gone.

"Grease..." voices crooned as the teen boys left the car. I counted four of them. I barely managed to catch myself when I stumbled over something on the ground during my slow walk backwards. My eyes travelled to the ground to see a bottle on the ground, the fainted Pepsi label on it tearing from wetness. I kept walking backwards until my back reached a wall. Steve and the socs were a good ten feet in front of me, I doubt they even noticed me.

I knew I should have ran for help, get another greaser, maybe from the Tim Shepard outfit or Brumly Boys, they always had a blade on them to scare them off, but instead I stood there like an idiot while the socs approached Steve. When one of their eyes met mine I nearly screamed.

"Looky here," the same one laughed. "Trying to protect your girlfriend.." he laughed joined in by his friends. Their eyes looked at my body up and down, taking in every detail, stopping where a few of my well defined curves were well shown off. I wished I hadn't dressed so permissibly.

I folded my arms over my chest protectively and glared back, don't show fear. Number one rule if you wanted to survive, I learned that with socs and real hoods like everyone else. They prey on it.

"Argh!" I broke eye contact with the tall blond haired boy to look at where the yell came from. I looked back in time to see Steve and one of the socs rolling around on the ground. As if on cue the rest of them ran up and peeled Steve off of him; tow of them grabbing his arms and the rest lining up in front. I sttod in stunned silence while they mocked him before finally taking the first punch. Steve's grunt of pain seemed to wake me up from my daydream-ish state. "Let him go!" I shrieked hitting the closest one with my fists onto his back. He turned around furiously grabbing ahold of my wrists mid-air.

He leaned in so close I could only see the swirling black-grey of his eyes. "Wanna try that again?" he seethed, the smell of cigarettes and clogne wafting into my mouth and nose.

I twisted my wrists wildly trying to free myself but his grip only seemed to get stronger leaving bright red marks that would later turn purple on my forearm. Before I had a chance to make a snide remark back a wild war cry like scream echoed through the air as I heard loud grunts and thuds; sure signs of a fist fight.

My holder spun his head around as did I to see what was happening. Just a few feet away from us where Steve used to lie with the socs stood him and Two-Bit Mathews: both on their feet and and fighting off the other socs furiously.

I heard a muffle grunt while my holder looked between his friends and me deciding what to do. A second later I felt blood run back into my hands and he let go and ran towards the scruffle of a fight.

I looked around helplessly for a second before I spotted the old pop bottle I fell over before. Running to it I threw it to Two-Bit who easily caught it and gave me a wide grin as if he was enjoying this. Hell he probably was, seemed to me like most people did. I wasn't one of those people, that was for sure. They made me feel sick.

Once Two-Bit busted the bottle on the ground it became apparent that we were winning, the greasers that was. Slowly foot by foot the socs were getting pushed back towards there car.

I was right about ready to break out into a grin about the fight ending before I heard a sicking shatter and felt a sharp pain shot through my head right before the ground came up to meet me.

**Two-Bits POV**

I could feel blood and sweat slid down my face as I wielded the bottle from left to right forcing anyone in front of me backwards. My knuckles were all split open and I had no doubt that my face wasn't looking to good, but that was probably a sure hell of a lot better than how Steve was.

Before I got here I saw Steve being held down by a couple of socs while the third took swings at him, and once your down it was mighty hard to get back up. Usually he can handle himself pretty good, but some of these socs were really vicious, good too. Blocking almost all my shots and by the time I knew that they did block it their other fist would already be on my face_. Probably does some sorta fancy sport, like kick-boxing or wrestling.. _I figured in my mind.

A sudden scream slit through the air and I along with everyone else turned to see where it came from. I heard Steve suck in a quick breath of air while my eyes found its origin. There, not even five feet away, I saw Evie slumped lifelessly in a forth socs arm, a strange wetness glistening off her hair. Blood. Looking back I realize that I didn't eben know their was a forth soc.

Everything was silent for a second, like no one could really take in what was happenig. Then it all came back in a sudden rush off noise and movement.

"Common lets go!" I heard someone yell and instantly everyone slid into the car making my eyes travel back to the car. I heard Steve scream loud cusses as he reached into the car and started hitting the driver. It was to late though, the car was already in drive and peeling away from the curb. Steve let go and fell into a pile on the ground around ten feet after.

He got up and started running after the car but didn't get far before I tackled him to the ground. "Common Steve lettem' go." I shouted using all my strength just to keep Steve on the ground along with all my weight.

He shouted in protest twisting and squirming under me trying to get loose. After a good few minutes he finally stopped but his body still shook in utter rage, or so I thought then.

After making sure he wouldn't take off I loosened my grip on him though stayed posed over him. I waited for him to calm down, but once in didn't happen after a few minutes I shook him until he looked at me eye to eye. To my shock his eyes weren't just filled with anger like I thought but also with fear. I almost let go of him. _What the hell was Steve scared off? _Seconds later it was answered.

"They got Evie.." he murmured so low I almost didn't hear him.

"What?" I looked at him in disbelief.

"They got Evie!" he yelled in frustration, his face red; eyes wild.

I looked back to the sidewalk where we had fought moments earlier and to my shock saw no sign of life. Not a footstep, not a movement, not a body. No Evie.

**. . . **

**Thanks for reading, please review!**

**Thanks to wishuy for reviewing!**


	4. Dreamland

**I do not own The Outsiders. M rated chap, but only one. If its at the  
part I'll tell and you can skip over it, then at the end I'll give you  
the short from of what happened.**

Voices...I could hear them all around my...swirling past my  
ears...nimbly just sliding over my ear before everything would become  
quiet...and I'd fall into the blackness...The lights...blinking on and  
off...rays pushing their way through my closed lids ...  
voices...lights...voices...lights...voices..lights.

Silence.

Darkness.

Forcing my eyes open I resisted the urge to squeeze them shut. Pain  
pounded through my head the same rate as my heart, like thin needles  
being jabbed through my head. I pressed a gingerly hand up to the base  
of the pain and nearly screamed. Tangled in my hair was hard and  
crusty scabs, falling to dust as my hand ran through them. As I  
reached the center of the pain my finger slipped into a wet slick  
puddle.

Pulling my hand away I stared at my hand in utter detest. Red  
liquidcovered my hand, flowing from my finger tips to down my arm and  
slowly dripping off my elbow.

Feeling bile reach up into my throat I turned my head and wretched,  
barely finishing before I passed out again.

Opening my eyes the second time I felt numb, my limbs being as foreign  
to me as guns. I looked around blankly. I looked to be in a garage of  
some sort.

Trying to stand I meekly slumped back into the dirt on the ground, the  
room swirling around me dragging me back to the ground.

I tried again, my fingers scraping across the dried remains of my  
vomit. Looking down at it I felt the familiar feeling to vomit again.  
Holding my breath I pushed myself up with my arms so I kneeled over on  
my knees and hands.

I opened my mouth to speak and was horrified when my dried lips  
cracked and bled down my chin, my throat making a gurgling noise  
instead of a voice. Panic rising I desperatly tried to remember the  
previous nights happenings. Hitting me like a gust of wind my eyes  
opened wide and my fogged mind cleared.

"He-lp" I croaked out pulling my body along the ground towards a door.  
My arms suddenly gave out causing me to land in a tangled mess on the  
ground. No amount of will seemed to make my body cooperate.

"Well looky here sleeping beauty is awoken." a scratchy voice rang out  
from infront of my. Not lifting my face off the ground my eyes fell  
onto a group of boys in front of me, the same ones from the night  
before. With a sick thought I realized it could've been a number of  
nights ago, between my small confused awakens that only lasted minutes  
I could've been passed out for hours or even longer.

"What do you want?" I croaked out, disdained at my weak sounding voice.

"Does princess want some water?" the blonde haired one croaked. I  
tried to push myself up again, succeeding in getting as far up to  
sitting before I felt ready to pass out.

"What do you want?" I demanded, my voice cracking at the end.

A short stubbier one with short copper red hair laughed. "I dunno  
guys, what do we want?"

"Not your money 'cause you don't got none..." the same one continued.  
"Not as doll , ain't much to look at filthy hoe," My entire body  
trembled, out of humiliation or anger I didn't know."...you are useful  
for one thing though."

I forgot to breath. This is a movie. This is a movie. These things  
don't happen in real life. This is a movie. I didn't believe myself  
one bit.

From the looks on the other guys they didn't believe it either. I  
watched as a couple of the guys exchanged nervous glances. I tried to  
catch one of their eyes but they kept looking away.

The short one glanced around again. "You guys game or what?"

A few of them gave unsure nods or answers, a couple of them looking  
nervously at the ground.

I shut my eyes. No... "No."

I looked up shocked at my saviour. He was tall guy with broad  
shoulders and brown hair. Without a second wasting he turn and walked  
out of the building, nearly being trampled by two others that followed  
him thankfully.

I watched him in disbelief as he flung open the door. Our eyes met for  
a moment. Don't leave me... with one more sympathic look he walked  
through the door disappearing into the light.

My eyes stayed trained there for a second, then swung back to the  
approaching socs wide like a deer looking into headlights.

I watched with shaking hands as they surrounded me. Suddenly my mind  
was over took with one thought. Run.

Not wasting a second I found the strength I lacked before and ran,  
stumbling over boxes and tripping over my own feet, slicing the bottom  
on broken glass and god knows what.

**M Content**

I could see a door in front of me, hear someone yelling out behind  
me...feel them atop me. I fell forcefully to the ground holding my  
arms out in front of my to try to break the fall.

I yelled out as I felt them flip me over, my body numb everywhere they  
touched. Two big guys took my arms while the shortest one gave me a  
vile grin. "Ready?"

Didn't matter how loud I screamed, how much I struggled, I couldn't  
get free. I felt as his dirty hands travelled up from my hips onto my  
shoulder and he leaned onto me. I felt his hot breath against my face  
filtered with cigerette smoke.

He moved his head down my neck spending time on my chest leaving a  
trail of kisses.

As he reached my waist his hands reached up from under my skirt and  
started tugging my skirt down. I became paralyzed.

I left my body to fall to his vicious hands and let my mind leave. I  
could barely feel as he tugged off my panties and spread my legs. His  
hands and body travelled along my entire body, touching me in places I  
refuse to let Steve even touch.

Steve. It was like a bullet hit my square in my chest. Why would he  
want me now. I'm an dirty whore...letting them touch me...its my  
fault...he will hate me...

With a sudden rush I was suddenly in control again I felt someone on  
me...inside me. It was the same red haired one that had come up with  
the whole plan in the first place. Hope of escaping swelling in my  
chest I started thrashing my arms and twisting my body trying to break  
free.

I felt him pause mid thrust, shocked at my sudden resistance. Twisting  
my legs and body I finally managed to free one arm.

I swung it wildly, clawing my nail into whatever I could find. My eyes  
were shut tight, I moved my body blindly.

Sweat and blood covered my body along with grit and dirt. I knew  
almost half my body was free. Feeling suddenly overpowered with hope I  
opened my eyes, just in time to see my friend the red head hit a plank  
over my face.

**. . .**

Those who skipped, Evie was raped.

Please review, I'll upate faster. 


	5. Ghost

**I do not own The Outsiders.**

**Evie's POV.**

Sun beamed down on me, warming my body but awakening me. I cursed  
internally, damn sun. Then it hit me; sunlight.

I couldn't be in a building anymore. I quickly sat up, maybe a little  
too fast. Even as the world swayed and twisted I forced myself to stay  
upright, I could not pass out again.

As horrid memories fluttered into my mind I nearly cried. I moved my  
body testedly, feeling every inch of my body with nimble fingers,  
finding every scratch, bruise and bump.

Realization dawned on me fiercly as I remembered my attackers. Where  
are they?

Overcome by panic I skittishly glanced around. All around me was dust  
and a seemingly deserted road, no humans.

I jerked my gaze violently around when I heard the sounds of footsteps  
behind me. I saw a big man walking towards me. Suddenly his large form  
transformed into the short red haired soc. I screamed.

Desperatly trying to crawl away o scraped my knees and hands, though  
it didnt faze me. I wasn't going to let them touch me again.

As I felt arms snag me around my waist my body shook violently and  
loud sobs erupted from my throat between screams. I clawed visciously  
at his arms.

My body dropped to the ground suddenly and I started moving as far  
away as I could.

Attempting to stand I tripped over my own feet suddenly found myself  
facefirst on the ground.

I twisted my body so I faced up towards the man; the soc.

As he came near me I heard my heart beat mercilessly in my chest. The  
edges of my vision blurred and darkened when his body loomed above mine.

As he crouched down and grabbed hold of my flailing arms I faded to  
unconciousness once again.

**. . .  
****  
Steve's POV.**

I ran into the Curtis house once again to be met by my friends worried  
faces. "Find anything?" I gasped, breathless from running around town  
looking for a sign of her. It has been two nights since she was  
kidnapped, although the first day I looked.

It was too dark to go looking the first night and Two-Bit forced me to  
stay at the Curtis'.

Yesterday I somehow slept most the day, awakening in the late  
afternoon. After giving everyone a good yelling at for not awakening  
me I tried her moms house, friends, anywhere she might have run. After  
only a couple hours Darry picked me up and made me stay in the house  
saying that walking around during the night all alone was a stupid act  
and Evie'd skin me if I got hurt looking for her.

Today though, I woke early I was ready to beat down anyone who tried  
to stop me. To my suprise they all helped, even Pony.

Everyone avoided my gaze as they nodded no. Anger rose within me. I  
wasn't some wimpy kid, they know that. I was about to bite them out on  
it when the phone suddenly rang.

I ran to pick it up but was beat by Darry. "Hello."

After some mumbling on the other end and Darrys serious 'I see' and  
'uh-hums' I lost it and grabbed the phone.

"Hello" I nearly shouted into the phone. I heard Mrs. Millers**,  
Evie's mom, voice.

Catching only keywords I hung up and ran outside to Two-Bits car  
stealing his keys on the way.

I was going to the hospital.

**. . .  
**  
Pushing open the door I ran to the secretary. "Evie Millers**" I said  
desperatly.

Taking an almost too much time to look through her papers I had to  
cletch my fists to resist reaching over the counter and grabbing her  
clipboard myself. Finally she looked back up with bored eyes. "She's in  
room 148, but their not taking-"

Blocking out her sounds of protest I pushed by her and ran to her  
room. A man tried to grab me before I ran into her room but I swiftly  
dodged it.

My mind stopped working when I walked into the room.

The second I stepped into the room Evies wild animalistic eyes flew up  
and and met mine. Covering her body was cuts and bruises, a large  
price of gauze was wrapped aroud her head. Her brown hair was wild and  
tangled matching her eyes wild tone. "Evie.." I breathed.

I took a step towards her after her eyes seemed to relax, though  
suddenly she started edging away from me. It was then I realized the  
white straps holding her wrists to the bed. I stopped, startled by them.

"Get away from me!" I heard Evie screech. My Evie. My gaze left the  
straps to look at her. "Leave me alone! Don't touch me!"

She thrashed wildly trying to escape tangling blankets with her body.

It was like a dream, her screams and sobs suddenly went silent  
although her cracked lips kept moving. I couldn't hear the sound as  
the blanket flew off the bed or when her bruised legs kicked the  
mattress and sides of the bed desperatly.

I was suddenly aware of my body being led out of the room but before I  
could comprehend it the thin wood door was slammed in my face blocking  
the view.

**. . .**

**I do not know her last name, made it up.

I'm trying to update faster, and fix summary because re-reading it, it  
sucks big time.

Thank you so much for boston's girrl.58 and wishuy for taking time to  
review :)

Please review!

IMPORTANT! FIXED SO THE ACTULA RAPE WAS DONE BY RED HAIRED GUY,  
BECAUSE TAKING NIGHTTIMESKY'S COMMENT INTO CONSIDERATION THE CHANCES  
OF ALL THE SOCS WILLING TO RAPE ARE NEXT TO NONE. 


	6. Lies

**I do not own The Outsiders.**

**Steve Pov.**

I sat in the waiting room waiting for God knows how long all alone with my thoughts. _What happened? Who did it? _And the worst, _Why the hell didn't I stop it? _

Eventually Soda came in, only a few minutes later than Evie's mom and brother did, but he couldn't help non. He just sat beside me in silence. Somehow his presence made me angrier. _Say something god dammit! _

I never voiced my thoughts though, I didn't want him to leave, I didn't want to be all alone again, like Evie was all alone in that room right now. I slouched forwards and brushed my fingers through my hair resting my head against them. I had a sick feeling in my stomach that seemed to get worse with every breath I took.

Suddenly the palpable sound of clicking heels on the hard floor were heard, getting louder as the nurse drew nearer, after what seemed like hours. Her voice was loud when she called for Evie's mom.

I stood to join but the nurse gave me a sharp look and I slumped back down. After wiping off stray tears from her face Mrs. Millers quickly made her way to the women in white.

I leaned forwards and tried to make out words but the nurse grabbed her hand and lead her farther away.

The nurse spoke quickly, never letting go of the other womens hand until she ripped it away from her and stumbled backwards. A shaking hand covered her open mouth as she whimpered in disbelief.

The mass in my stomach enlarged until I stood and ran to the pair trying to escape it. "What happened?" I demanded my voice cold. They wouldn't look at me.

"What happened?" I repeated, my eyes flicking from the nurse to Evie's mother trying to catch something in their expressions. No one would look at me.

Panic rose inside me. "What happened! Why won't you tell me what happened!" _Why won't they look at me?  
_  
As a whimper escaped Evie's mother I grabbed her and made her look me in the eye. "What happened? Just tell me what happened!" I begged.

A moment of silence. Then another.

Finally she looked up with dead eyes and spoke. The lump in my adomen started violently turning moving my stomach contents around.

I stumbled backwards and narrowed my eyes at her. She was lying. She had to be lying. Socs weren't that monsterous, they had some morals...but what if it wasn't the socs? It could've been someone else when she was trying to get home or-. No, they were lying, it never happened...

I felt someone grab my arm but I jerked away and continued walking away from everyone, looking between their worried eyes. They were lying...it was a sick joke. It was a sick joke and Evie was in her room at home waiting for them to come home and tell her my reaction and she would hug me when I saw her and tell me it was just a lie...

As I felt my stomach give another violent jerk I barely grabbed the grabage can in time.

After I was done puking I looked up to see everyone looking at me worriedly. I swallowed hard and met their gazes. Greasers shouldn't lose their stomachs in front of people like that. It didn't matter then though, everyone looked away from me as a man with a large lab coat walked in.  
"You can see her now ."

**. . .**

**Evies Pov.**

I looked up quickly when I heard the door open. I couldn't help how fast I looked between all of them between their faces, I was just so jumpy.

I didn't even remember what had happened in the last few hours, all I remember is _him. _Touching me...holding me down...talking to me.

Slowly _he_ left and was replaced by doctors and nurses and even a priest. I still looked around evreywhere excpecting him to be behind a corner and jump out and yell 'Boo!'. Laugh that I ever thought I could escape him.

When I saw Steve I had the falling feeling in my stomach. Does he still love me? As his eyes met mine and were filled with worry I felt a weight get off my shoulders.

I made no sound of protest when he dragged a chair over to the side of my bed and sat by me, as he did for my mom too. Once everyone was settled I looked around at all their faces as they surrounded me...like _they _surrounded me. But it isn't them, I scolded myself. I couldn't believe how weak I was being.

Just as I felt like I had control again my mom asked something that made my heart stop dead in its tracks. "Did they touch you honey?" I knew what kind of touch she actually meant.

I would have vomited again if I had anything in my stomach left. How did they know? Did I say something when I was out of mind? I tried to recollect what I did say but Steve spoke before I could find anything. "Evie, it's okay. You can say they won't hurt you anymore."

Maybe I didn't say anything, maybe they could tell somehow with physical proof. But to do that they'd have to look...I shuddered when I thought of that.

"It's best if you tell us. We could help other women he might attack..." I opened my eyes and looked around. At my mom's face, would she be disappointed. How would Sam look up to me if I let someone do that to me? Would Steve still love me...how could he even look at me or think of touching me if he knew the truth. "No,"

Everyone looked shoocked. "No?"

"No." I assured, my voice too stong to be my own.

While my mother looked over joyed Steve gave me a worried look. "You don't have to lie..."

"I'm not lying," I fought. "They didn't. No one did." I settled, with myself as while as with them. Steve exhaled a deep breath and ran his fingers through hios hair. "Thank god, I couldn't forgive myself if..." he stopped midsentence and looked around worriedly.

I brought a giggle to my lips like I'm sure Evie would've if she saw Steve's slip-up on his tough facade.

We continued talking until the nurse ushered them out of the room saying I needed to rest.

I took a deep breatha and said I was tired, but knew I wouldn't sleep. He'd be waiting for me there...

I wrapped the blankets tightly around my body and squeezed my eyes shut as I caught a glimpse of red hair wlaking between the group as they walked down the hall.

**. . .**

Sorry it took so long, I am suffering from major writers block, even though I know whats going to happen I have so much trouble writing it, and when I finally finish I'm never really happy with it...

So if your reading thank-you and please drop a review by, they DO help with inspiration.

Thanks for reviewing:  
-**Believe In Something Bigger****  
-****TheNightimeSky  
-wishuy  
-Independance Undervalued**

You guys make my life :)


	7. Daybreaks and Nightmares

**I do not own The Outsiders.**

. . .

**Steve's Pov.**

As I left Evie's room and walked into the waiting room I felt like a  
huge weight had been lifted off my chest; I could fill my lungs fully  
and not even feel a twinge of the mass that engulfed my stomach  
before. Well not as much as before anyways.

It still got to me that they had tried...I mean it's good they didn't,  
golly I don't what I'd do if they had of, but someone tried to. I  
blamed myself, I should've just told her to run the second the car  
pulled up.

Soda stood when I walked in the waiting room, Evie's little brother  
latched onto him.

He walked up to me, Sam dropping off of him and running to his mom a  
few short steps behind me. I greeted Soda with a small grin.

On the car ride back Soda kept shooting me looks from behind the  
wheel. I sighed, I knew he'd want to know the deal. "The doctor  
said...he said that there was evidence that she might've  
been...raped," I finally got out and glanced at Soda to see his  
reaction. Although calm I could see his hands tighten on the wheel.

"Might've been, so was she?" he asked finally.

I nodded my head no. "She said they tried to though never did, but. . ."

"You don't know if she's telling the truth." he finished. I nodded in  
agreement.

"I mean the doc said there was evidence, so why'd there be evidence if  
they didn't?" I asked, both to Soda and to me. I didn't know too much  
about how these things worked, what even would count as evidence?

Soda shrugged. "Beats me, but I don't think this is the type of thing  
people would lie about, right? I mean it's a pretty big deal."

After a minute of thinking I nodded my head in agreement. I mean Evie  
wouldn't hide something like this from me...unless maybe they were  
threatening her. What if-

No what ifs, I scolded myself. Your acting like Ponyboy, letting your  
imagination running away from you like that.

I looked back out the window convinced that nothing happened; or maybe  
just convinced that I was convinced.

**. . .**

I waved bye to Soda as he peeled the truck away from the curb after  
letting me off at my place. Turning around I walked towards the front  
door of my house.

It was small, smaller than the Curtis', and three times more run down  
looking. At their place they had Darry to fix up the roof and yard,  
but here the only person that could replace the missing shingles or  
fix the broken shutters was me, maybe Dad but the dead would be  
walking before he choose to do work, and even with that I was no  
Darry. Maybe sometimes I gave myself the illusion I cared; but  
honestly what was a few shingles?

Despite the fact the Curtis' had three, practically seven, boys living  
in it, the inside of their place was cleaner than mine. They all had  
enough decancy to clean up after themselves, most the time at least.  
And when they didn't someone else would. Here beer bottles, both  
broken and intact, covered the floors and table surfaces, along with  
whatever else had been collected over the years. I didn't clean, there  
was no point, it would be just as messy as it was in a few days.  
Sometimes I caught ma cleaning a little, but that was only once or  
twice, and back before she looked old and weary, before her eyes were  
dead.

I made my way up to my room as quiet as a church mouse; I didn't know  
where my folks were and I don't think I wanted to spend the night at  
the Curtis', too many questions, and even worse, pity.

Pity. The thing I hated most in the world. The way people looked at  
you; the way they spoke, it makes me want to scream at them and yell  
that I'm not some kid.

Once when I was younger, middle school, I went to school without my  
homework. Sure I didn't do it too much then, I don't now either, but  
the point was I did do it, it was just at home. When your old man is  
chasing you out of the house waving a beer bottle, let me tell you,  
your homework is at the very back of your mind.

When the teacher asked us to hand it in everyone went to the front of  
the class, absolutly everyone, but me. Sometimes if almost no one in  
your class does the work there's no punishment, but since I was the  
only one I knew I was going to get stuck with a detention.

So after everyone else I made it to the front of the class and told  
the teacher not only that I did do it, but why I didn't have it. I  
remember being half way through the sentance when that sinking feeling  
went through my stomach and I wondered why the hell o was telling her  
that.

After a few stutters and meshed together words I finally finished, red  
faced and sweaty. She just looked at me and told me to sit down. I  
might have got out of detention, but with all her silent pity looks  
she shot me from her desk while she thought I was working I would have  
rathered dententions for the rest of the year.

As I flopped out onto my mattress and watched the ceiling I heard the  
front door open and shut. Not even a minute later they started  
yelling; cussing and threatening at eachother like they were at war.

I shut my eyes and tried to block out the voices. Sleep didn't come  
easy but it did eventually come, though it was filled with such  
dangerous visions and thoughts that I wish I was awake and listening  
to my folks go at it instead.

After a long night of tossing and turning I finally awoke to a rising  
sun and silent house. I breifly wondered when they stopped.

I didn't have anywhere I really needed to go so I slipped on my shoes  
and walked aimlessly through the neighbourhood and sorted out my  
thoughts. I knew I'd have to see the gang again eventually so I'd grab  
some breakfast there, maybe see what Soda was up to. I'd visit Evie  
later in the day and then get to the DX for my shift.

My day planned I headed for my first destination. A set mind is in my  
opinion the best to have; when there's too much room left there's  
space for memories best forgotten to sneak up on you.

**. . .**

**Evie Pov.**

I took a sharp intake of breath when I was sure something move beside me,  
but nothing did. It was just another shadow, scaring me to death on  
just another night.

The days have gone by slowly, the nights even slower. I never felt  
safe, I always felt exposed, like he was watching me, waiting for his  
chance.

The only times I felt safe was when someone was with me, which was  
rather often. Everyday I could count on Steve and sometimes Soda,  
Sandy and Sam (sometimes dragging ma behind him) to pop in. Nurses and  
doctors always filtered in and out of my room, all day long.

Even with my friends I wasn't completly at ease though, what if they  
saw through my paper thin lies and found out the truth? What would  
they think of me? Everytime I caught Steve studying me with his dark  
eyes my heart caught in my throat, did he know, or was I suddenly so  
utterly repulsive looking he changed his mind, realized he'd didn't  
want a pig for a girlfriend, like they'd said? I couldn't shake my  
worried away, the daytime was hell.

But then the nights. The nights were different. The nights were long  
and lonesome, the outside world as dead to me as I was to them. The  
nights were were filled with demons and ghouls.

I was scared to close my eyes, because when I did I'd see him, but  
with them open I saw the looming shadows that seemed to shift and move  
that froze me to my soul in fear.

Hopefully that'd all change when I go home tommorrow. The doctors said  
I could, at nine o'clock AM tomorrow I could go home with my own bed  
and room and house...

But until then I'm here, all alone with my nightmare.

**. . .**

**I couldn't add much else without making it too long.**  
**Evie returning home next chapter! How badly has this really**  
**effected her?**

**Thank you so much:**  
**-wishuy**  
**-Believe In Something Bigger**  
**-Independance Undervalued**  
**-Diehardoutsiderfan**  
**For reviewing! You guys really are my inspiration!**

**Please review :)**


	8. Sleeping Sickness

************************************

**********************************I do not own The Outsiders.**

Italics are for Evie's thoughts.  
Regular writing for the normal writing,  
and bold italics for, well, her thoughts too. But she isn't thinking them, she's remembering.

Evie's Pov.

"Welcome back sweetie!"

The darkness I was confided to lifted as the pair of hands that covered my eyes were removed. I smiled to my mom and brother a true smile, the first time in days, aswell as Steve and Sandy who were behind me. They stayed there though once we were done celebrating, only my family came into the house with me. I was surprised my mother stayed sober this long, not once did I see her soused when I was in the hospital.

As I entered the familiar building I took a deep breath and looked around, noticing everything. The chipped paint on the walls, stains on the carpet, the scratch on the kitchen table, everything was just as I left it, everything was the same. I needed it though, for something to stay the same, while everything else was changing.

I excused myself from dinner and went to my room to follow my excuse of not being tired, which wasn't too far from the truth, I was kind of tired, but I really just wanted to be alone for a bit.

As I flopped out on the bed I sank into the mattress as far as it would let me. I tangled myself in the blankets as I rolled around trying to find comfort. As soon as I found a position I could stay in without feeling uncomfortable I was overcame with the sudden silence.

I tried to shut my eyes and block out any dangerous thoughts that were lined up against the walls I put up in my mind to defend myself, but the silence was like their atomic bomb, my walls broke down and they flooded in.

_**"Well looky here, sleeping beauty's awoken."**_

I moved over to my side and covered my hands over my ears protectivly trying to block out his voice. _He can only hurt you if you let him, don't let him. He isn't anything to you anymore, just a peice of imagination. Don't listen._

_**"Ain't much to look at, filthy hoe."**_

I rolled to my other side and repeated the motion, squeezing my eyes shut so tight this time though it hurt. _Why are you letting him get to you? You are bigger than him, your bigger than this. You can beat him. Don't let him walk over you like this._

_**"Pig."**_

I flipped over so I was lying on my stomach now, my head under my hands. _He is beating you. He is getting to you. Don't let him do this._

_**"Waste of space." **_

I whimpered out loud, his voice was too clear and loud to be fake. I shivered, not because of the cold though. _Don't let him beat you._

_**"White trash."**_

_He can't hurt you. . . block him out._

_**"Greaser."**_

_Your giving him power, fight back._ I sat up in my bed and pulled my knees to my chest and laid my head aginst them. Distantly I could hear my mom and Sam doing dishes.

_**"Lower than dirt."**_

_Why aren't you fighting back! He is beating you!_

_**"Maybe she is good for something though."**_

Any hope for sanity was gone then. _He had beat me. Maybe he is just better than me._ I rocked rhythmatically back and forth, unaware of the stray tears rolling down my cheek.

_**"Stupid broad."**_

_**"Fat whore."**_

_**"Disgusting."**_

_**"Worthless."**_

_One hundred percent replacable,_ I added, wiping off the tears and curling up in a ball completly under the covers, waiting for the restless sleep to finally find me.

. . .

"You 'ight?"

I looked up, startled from my daze. Giving Steve a reassuring smile I nodded and looked down back at the untouched plate of fries infront of me. "Yeah, i'm fine, just a little tired. Didn't sleep too good last night."

When I received no answer I looked up questionly, only to find his deep brown eyes entraced on me, worry spread out all over his face. Quickly I realized my mistake. "Damn strays, they were makin' so much ruckus outside I thought I might shoot 'em." I felt air fill my lungs again as relief spreaded on his face and I knew I was safe.

He continued on talking then, and I zoned out just as much as I did before. I don't know, most the time I was a really good listener, but I was just so damn tired. Last night I didn't wake up once, but from how fretful my sleep was I wish I had of. Nightmares plagued my mind, coming to me end to end in a never-ending stream, never once giving me a moment's rest.

I glanced up warily when it came to my attention that Steve had once again stopped talking. I opened my mouth ready with a full explanation but clamped it shut when I saw I wouldn't need one, his eyes weren't even on me, they were on the blonde that had just walked into the diner.

I narrowed my eyes at her, but I have to admit she was beautiful. Everything from the clothes she wore to the color of her matched perfectly, her shirts showing off just the right amount of skin on her chest and her high heels and short-shorts proudly offered its viewers lots of leg, all toned and tanned to perfection.

Looking down at my own jean jacket and pants I suddenly felt underdressed and way underclassed than that beautiful woman. Steve had a goddamn righ to look at her like that, why look at this lump of fat when he could be looking at that.

As I was overwhelmed with the sudden feeling of shame I stood quickly, muttering something that may had passed as a good bye and ran out the door, walking in a brisk pace until I was safely inside of my house.

Tears threatening to spill over my eyelids I made my way to the bathroom, not even glancing in the mirror before I stripped of my clothes. With jelly legs I turned slowly and finally faced myself in the mirror. A shaky sob errupted from my throat.

The girl that stood infront of me was not Evie. The girl infront of me was hideous and dirty, not the girl Steve fell in love with, not the girl he deserved. This girl had thunder-thighs and frizzy hair. Bags hung under her eyes making her look sick, her stomach stuck out farther than any skinny girls would. This girl was dirty, she had let a man rape her, she was unpure. She was hideous. She did not deserve Steve.

But at that moment I decided I would do whatever it took to get back to Evie, get back to the girl Steve loved. I had to. If I didn't, I was worthless. I didn't deserve to live.

If I didn't, I didn't want to live.

. . .

****

Hope you liked, thanks to all who reviewed (aka. my four bfotn (best friends over the net) Diehardoutsiderfan, Believe in Something Bigger, Independance Undervalued and last but not least wishuy!)

****

If you are reading this please review, they really make my day :)


	9. Monster

**I do not own The Outsiders. ****Evie's Pov.**

Inspiration- Fuckin Perfect by Pink. Watch music video, so amazing.

Ps- The free verse thing was just something I found in my old journal while going over it. Not your thing? Don't read, it has zero meaning to the story other than relevance.

. . .

_Numbers on the scale_

t_urning too far_

_being too big_

_for someone to love,_

_for me to love._

_Hatred_

_flows_

_down my face_

_in warm tears,_

_hatred at myself._

_Why_

_did I let this happen?_

_Why_

_does God hate me?_

_Why_

_do I hate me?_

_Why_

_am I even here?_

. . .

Inhale.

My hands were shaking. I could barely breath. 145 pounds. A monster inside me appears, its cruel laugh fills me. When did this happen? I fight to remember the last time I weighed myself but can't. How long have I been like this? How did I not realize until now?

Exhale.

Tears stream down my face. I can't remove my eyes away from the scale. What do other people weigh? How much do I need to lose? The monster snarls and bites me, urging me forwards.

Inhale.

I move my gaze up. I can do this. I can get skinny. I can get Evie back. The monster stiffens inside me, unsure if I my words are trustworthy.

Exhale.

I wipe the tears off my cheeks. How? The monster growls, and slowly tucks itself away in a corner, eyeing me carefully, ready to pounce if the wrong desicion is made, but for now it's just watching.

I dress myself slowly, pulling on my skirt and shirt with the utmost care. I am a porcelain doll, ready to shatter. As I finish I gaze up at the mirror at my reflection with swollen eyes. A deep knot forms in my stomach and tears almost start falling again; the monster leaps forwards and attacks, held back only by the thick iron chain its fastened to.

Never have I felt that deep hate inside me before. The monster twists and turns violently, threatening to rip apart from my body and tear its nemisis apart, tear me apart, from the outside aswell as the inside. The only thing holding me together was the chain around its neck that keeps it far enough away from doing serious harm.

The phone rings suddenly and I get thrusted back into reality and away from my thoughts. I blink a few times and try to clear my vision. How long have I been gone? I dimly notice my eyes return to their normal appearance as I cast one glance back at myself and leave the bathroom and follow the obnoxious ringing noise coming from the kitchen.

I rid my head of all thoughts as I rasied the phone to my ear. "Hello?"

"Hey Evie," It's Steve, I could tell his deep voice from anywhere. "Do you want to catch a movie with me?"

I subconciously twirled the phone cord around my index finger. "I don't think so. . ." It was the truth, the thought of going out made me anxious. I don't think I could last if I caught someone looking at me with disgust, I really would lose it. "I have to watch Sam." I lied easily.

"Oh, okay. See you on Monday then?"

"Yeah, Moday," I echoed. "I gotta go Steve. . ."

"Wait Evie?" He said suddenly. When I stayed quiet he continued. "Are you alright? I mean when you ran out all rushed on Friday I-"

"Steve I do really have to go." I interrupted before he could say too much. I really wanted to forget that night more than anything. Whenever I thought of it too many questions came up and left my mind in a tangled mess. Did I over react? Did he still like me? Did I even see it right? Was he even looking at her?

"Oh, okay." He stayed on a minute and the silence over took the reciever.

"Bye Steve," I finally said right before hanging up, not even waiting for a reply.

**Steve's Pov.**

I held the reciever to my ear a second longer than necessary and waited to hear the fast paced beeps that confirmed she had ended the call. Within thirty seconds they came. After finally listening to them enough to make me tremble with annoyance I placed the reciever back onto the craddle **(I really have no idea what its called)** with a little too much force.

"Hey careful with the merchandise," came Soda's joking voice from somewhere behind me. I jumped as I felt a hand on my back a few moments later. "You 'ight?"

I shrugged, both to remove Soda's cold hand and out of indesicion. I prayed he would take that as an 'I'm fine' motion, although a small part of me hoped he'd know something was wrong. I kept my eyes glued to the counter but I could still see him shuffling slightly so he was infront of me and looking at me with careful eyes, the same eyes he used to approach Johnny when he was hurt or Dally when he was in a mood. He knew something was off. "What happened?"

I opened my mouth to tell him but found myself with an empty mouth. I didn't know what to say. What even happened? Evie left rushed one date, which has happened before, and she was too busy to go out with me tonight? I mentally slapped myself for making a big deal out of nothing. Why was I over reacting like this? "I'm fine."

A customer called out from infront for Soda and I waited for him to go. To my surprise he stayed glued to the spot, his eyes watching me carefully. I wondered if he had heard the man. As the man yelled out again Soda took a breath and everything seemed to go into motion again. "If you say so..." he murmured quietly while leaving the shop.

I watched him opened the door and go out, making small talk with the man over the cars roof. Shaking my head I got back to work. "Its nothing," I muttered to myself, hoping that hearing them would make me believe. It didn't.

**. . .**

**Thank you for reading! I'm sorry the chapters are short guys, its just really hard to make them long.**

Thank you:  
-outsider291  
-wishuy  
-Believe In Something Bigger  
-Independance Undervalued

For reviewing, it means so much :D

If you reading this please do the right thing and review! Please :)


	10. Gone

**I do not own The Outsiders.**

**A/N Let me know if you think I should ever change the rating to M, I mean I'm really bad with this rating stuff.**

**. . .**

**Evie's Pov.**

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Sit down Sam!" Rolling my eyes after he obeyed I turned around and started dishing out mashed potatoes onto his plate. I tried to move quickly, slowing only once dots of splattered potatoes appeared on the counter.

"Here, eat this." I shoved the plate in front of him, swearing lightly under my breath as I ran to my room. "Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap..." I shuffled through my clothes, throwing any possibilities for an outfit tonight onto my bed.

I was supposed to be at the movie house by now. I was meeting Steve and a few other friends there, but Mrs. Duran made me stay late after school, and when I got home mom was gone, so I had to fix Sam some supper before leaving.

I ran through my room to the bathroom, the only room with a mirror. I checked my outfit over, flattening my skirt a bit and tugging down my shirt. I eyed my thighs self-consciously, jumping up and down a bit before running back into my room and trading it for a slightly long looser one.

I had been working out for a week now, and only have lost one crummy pound. I probably couldn't even remember what sweets tasted like if you asked me it's been so long since I've touched them. I let my eyes travel down the length of my body one last time before running out of the house.

When I got to the movies I pushed open the door, it swinging open and shutting slowly, letting out a low groan as I slipped through. My eyes adjusted to the darkness as I hunted for a familiar figure. I slipped into a middle aisle and sat down quickly. "I'm so so sorry," I kept my voice in a hushed whisper trying not to disrupt anyone else. "I got kept in after school and then my mom wasn't home and the potatoes wouldn't cook and-"

"Shhh, s'all right Eves, I only got here a couple minutes ago, I thought you'd left." Steve's not so quiet voice said, earning a 'shh' from a couple behind us. I let out a breath of relief.

Steve turned around then, giving them a cold look before sliding back beside me, giving me a crooked grin they couldn't see. I settled my head into his chest happily, letting out a breath of air I was holding. I looked down at my legs, flattened against the seat. With a frown I propped my toes up, lifting them off the seat making them almost half the size. I focused on the movie, trying to figure out what had happened, which proved nearly impossible with Steve playing with my hair and running his fingers gently up and down my arms. I hit him lightly, giving him a happy grin when he gave me a guilty look.  
"Hey Evie," he stopped suddenly, dropping his arm from around my shoulders. We were walking back from after the movie. "Look I get it if you don't wanna, all with what's happened, but if you wanna still go off for a weekend on your birthday, get a break, we can. It's up to though, I mean if you don't wanna it'd be fine, it might be nice though. . ."

He eyed me from where he stood in front of me. I bit my lip subconsciously and looked to the ground. It was true, with all that's happened I wasn't too sure about it anymore, I mean leaving all my worries and problems here for a bit would be nice and all, but I wasn't too keen on a whole weekend of just me and Steve either. I was pretty sure of what he'd want to do there.

Ever since we started dating I planned it all out, I wanted him to be my first, but after what happened . . . what if figured it out, realized that I wasn't a cherry and put the pieces together, or worse, didn't and figured I cheated on him? What if I couldn't go through with it? Sometimes I still wake up almost in tears from dreams where _he_was there and doing it all over again? I can never fall asleep after those dreams; I could still feel his hands. . .

I glanced up at Steve who was studying me; I knew I had to answer soon. Steve. . . I couldn't believe how perfect he was acting, especially with all the bullshit I've been putting him through. He deserved someone better than me, someone make his life better, not worse. Be helping to fix his problems and not be piling their own on top of his. I looked back up to him, knowing my answer; it was the least I could do. . . "Sure, I mean it'll be fun,"

I watched as the corners of his mouth rose in a grin. I couldn't help but smile back as I watched him try to contain it. "Yeah it will be," he said reassuringly. "I'm starvin', how does a bit of dinner sound?"

Truthfully I wasn't all too hungry, but I nodded anyways. He looped his arm back around me as we made our way to the dinner. When we walked in and grabbed a seat in the corner booth I looked around, the checked floors and res leather booth seats seemed familiar. With a smile I realized it was the same diner Steve had token me to a day before 'it' happened. As I plopped down on the booth seat beside Steve and he took orders I thought about what I was thinking about the last time I was here, I wished I could go back and change everything, make my life simple again.

"Here you go," our waiter said with a grin, setting down a burger in front of me. I nearly laughed as I saw Steve take off the top bun and take off all the lettuce and tomatoes, leaving only cheese, the burger and onions. I shook my head. "How the hell do you eat a burger like that? Thing's got no flavour,"

He cocked an eyebrow in my direction. "Sure it does, it tastes like a burgers s'posed to, like a burger."

I shook my head disagreeing as I looked out at some of the other booths. I saw a group of girls in one, all sharing a single coke. They just sat there and talked the entire time, not once ordering food. At first I just casted my glanced by them, not making anything of it; but as once girl strutted by our booth to the bathroom I watched as her skinny legs moved back and forth in her little skirt until she walked into the bathroom. I was still thinking about it when I got home that night.

I smelt the liquor before I even was completely through the door. "Evsie. . . is that you?" A drunken called rang out from the living room. I walked towards it car fully.

It's been such a long time since I've seen her like this I was too shocked to move when I did. She sat slumped on the couch, nursing a bottle of clear liquid in one hand. She looked at me like she was shocked I was there. "Where was you?" she slurred, standing from the couch and stumbling towards me.

Ignoring her question I grabbed the bottle. "I thought you gave it up!" I yelled, holding up the bottle causing droplets to fly out of the bottle and onto the floor. She looked at me angrily. "Give it back!" she cried. I could hear her fumbling behind me as I ran through the house and out the back door. Gritting my teeth I threw the bottle through the dark air with all my might, losing sight of it before I heard the clunk I it hit the ground. She shrieked at me. "What have you done you stupid bitch!"

I blinked furiously trying to hold back the tears while I glared at her. "Screw you. . ." I seethed, walking back into the house, leaving her as she ran onto the grass, falling to her knees and searching for the bottle desperately.

I walked to the bathroom, glaring at my reflection in the mirror after I locked the door. I looked hideous, my hair was out of place from running from my mom, my eyes were wet and red, mascara smeared down my cheeks. I shut my eyes and saw Steve and me at the diner, those skinny girls, the bottle of liquor, and my mom.

I wasn't in control of myself, the monster drove my body. He shoved three fingers down my throat, my nails scratching the soft tissue of my mouth and throat as my fingers swirled around. I threw myself down in front of the toilet, banging my knees on the hard floor as I leaned into the toilet coughing up bits of my last meal. I did it again and again and again until nothing else would come up.

I lay slumped there for a while, my body too fatigued to get up. Tear streamed down my cheeks, the odd sob escaping my mouth jarring my whole body. I stared into the toilet in disgust until I finally hit the flusher with my hand. As I watched the bile swirl around and around with my life until it eventually disappeared from sight I wiped my mouth with the back of the sleeve.

I had lost all control then, the monster owned me.

**. . .**

**Sorry guys, it took way too long to get this out. If it helps it was ready a couple of days ago, but FF wouldn't let me update. And if your reading my other story Travelin' Soldier, it's doing the same. As soon as I can fix it, it will be updated :)**

**Thanks so much to my amazing reviewers:**  
**-GREEKBLOOD**  
**-Believe in Something Bigger**  
**-sammy4eva**  
**-wishuy**  
**-Independence Undervalued**

**Please review!**


	11. Joining The Enemy

**I do not own The Outsiders.**

. . .

_My Rights_****

_It's not what you think,_

this isn't just an easy fix.

This is my life,

my mind,

my body.

Don't you be telling me

I'm wrong,

when you don't even know the half

of it.

It's not just an easy fix,

it isn't a problem,

I'm not making a mistake.

It's is my choice,

it's my right,

and this is my decision.

**Evie's Pov.**

It's been going on for a few weeks now.

It took over faster than I'd like to admit. It started as the start-line, just a little push off to get me going, just until the gun goes off, but I didn't plan on how well it would work. I didn't know my body would start to adapt to it, I didn't know how strong the monster could be.

The time-lapse between the first time I did it to now seem very distant, more distant than it truly is. After that first time I felt more settle; I had more control. So I did it again the next day, and the next, and the next until it became more of a habit; my dirty little secret.

I grew needy to it and started doing it more often. I went from once a day to nearly five times a day. The fact that the more I did it the easier it was to do made it all the more provoking.

Looking into the mirror after, seeing my red rimmed eyes and messy hair the monster would congratulate me. At the beginning I would be disgusted with myself, with it, but then I began to _want_ its appraise; I would strive for its approval

Purging became my escape, my survival. It's not just my start line any more, it's not the gunshot to start me off on weight lost, it's the fucking cheerleaders that keep me putting one foot in front of the other.

And putting one foot in front of the other I did, I'm still going. I still have to go until I reach my goal, which is only four pounds away. But as I look into the mirror now I realize that maybe four less pounds wouldn't really help, I still have a lot of jiggle on my legs when I shake them out.

To test out my theory I did so, holding one leg out and off the ground beside me and shaking it. I felt myself frowning at the result. After doing the same with my other leg I turned to my side to see the width of my stomach.

I've been doing this a lot now; I've probably spent more time in front of a mirror in the past few weeks than I have my entire life. I can't believe how oblivious I was before to my body condition. I mentally slap my grade six self or not starting to work out and care about my figure before I started getting curves. If I had of cared about it then and not let this happen I wouldn't have to be doing this right now.

After zoning in on every part of my body I finally stepped on the scale to measure myself. I bit my lip when it stopped on thirty-four after spinning around once. I haven't lost any weight in the past two days.

After shooting it and myself a few daggers I pulled my clothes back on and walked out to the kitchen. I watched my mother as she walked busily around the kitchen, grabbing the odd item from the counter before running out the door yelling reminders about Sam and good-byes.

I guess it might seem weird to some people, watching the same women that passed out with a bottle in her hands rush off to work and seem genuinely caring about her two kids, but it's just normal to me. When she's drunk I hate her and she hates me, and then when she's sober it's just the opposite. It's like she's two different people, and as long as you stick to the golden rule of not bringing up anything that happened the past night it's easy to pretend we're a nice, non-dysfunctional, family.  
I poured two bowls of cereal, one for me and one for Sam, before going to wake him up for school. I'm always up a good thirty minutes before him; he can get ready for school in less than twenty minutes. As we sat down at the table to eat he began telling me a long story about his dream, mostly with his mouth full of food. I watched him and pretended to be interested even though I wasn't.

I used to listen to everything he said with a careful ear, but I really just stopped caring recently. Usually he wouldn't notice I'm not listening though, I am pretty good at faking it.

I watched as he scarfed down his first bowl and quickly moved onto his second before I even had a bite of mine. His skinny arms would dig the spoon into the bowl with more force than needed to pick up a few grans of cereal before shovelling it into his mouth.

I wondered how he could eat so much and not get fat, especially considering _what_ he ate. Most of the time his 'snacks' contained more calories and fat than he could count. I wished my metabolism was as high as his. Even at his age I doubted it was, the kid could eat as much as Steve and he wasn't even half the size of him.

"Evie?"

I looked up at his eyes suddenly. "Yeah?" I asked but his eyes told me it all. "I was listening." I stated.

"You don't gotta listen if you don't wanna, but don't lie to me. Shit I don't even know I bother telling you nothing, you never listen anyhow." He said, pushing the chair back as he stood and dumped his dished in the sink.

I watched his fleeting body with wide eyes. "Watch your mouth!" I finally said, but it was too late, he was already out the door.

I sat back down at the table and looked at my untouched breakfast. Without wasting a second I dumped it on the grass in the backyard before setting the bowl in the sink beside Sam's. I really didn't feel like having to bring it back up today.

. . .

**Steve's Pov**

Greg looked at me from behind dark sunglasses with cat-like eyes. "Heard you gonna get some this weekend Randle," he smirked before throwing a full house on the grass and claiming his winnings. I growled as I began to shuffle the cards.

"Where'd you hear that?" I asked nonchalantly. I had no problem with rumour any rumours saying I was 'got some', but this one was different, for one because it said I was '_gonna _get some', as in the future, and also that this weekend happened to be the weekend me and Evie were going to get out of town. I'm definitely not a cherry, but I knew for a fact Evie was. I mean I know she's gone pretty far, but not _that _far. When I first planned this weekend out it was for that reason, I mean she's more likely to say yes in some corny romantic type setting than on the Curtis' couch, but I'm not too sure about it anymore.

She's been acting weird the past while, ever since the fucking socs decided to hop her. I mean I'm pretty sure that spook anyone out, but I had a feeling she's not really telling me everything. She always gets all stiff whenever I get real close to her, it's not so bad now but for the first week I was pretty sure I was hurting her every time I touched her. I'd rather wait a bit and have than go far and lose her.

"A lil' birdie," Greg laughed while sorting through his cards. I looked over at Soda who looked back at me guiltily. "I didn't say _that_," he mumbled, "I just said he an' Evie were leaving for the weekend."

Greg laughed loudly and I felt myself getting madder at him. I never was a big fan of the hood, he was all talk, but he was pissing me off more and more lately. "What else do you think Stevie here got in mind? I mean it's about time he got some, they've been together now for how many months now?"

I gritted my teeth and gave him a shove for saying 'Stevie', which caused him to fall down a few levels from where we sat on the top of the bleachers skipping third period. Mike spoke for the first time keeping his eyes on Greg's lanky body as he pushed himself up and made his way back up, trying his hardest and failing at not limping.

"Greg's right man, what else are you gonna do all weekend? Read fucking Shakespeare," he said, picking up a book beside him I guessed to be for English and shaking it for effect. I watched as a page fell out and slowly spun and glided to the ground. Mike watched it too, before shrugging and dropping the book back onto the seat.

Before I could say anything Greg hit my head with his hand before plopping down on the metal bench. "There ought to be some sorta law about not getting laid in so long, I know I couldn't have lasted so long,"

The only thing that kept me from pushing him back down the bleachers was the spot of blood forming on his jeans. "But whatever," he continued on cockily, "if she's got you whipped, what can you do?"

Mike made a snapping noise while mimicking whipping the air. I grounded my teeth. "I ain't whipped."

"Whatever you say," Greg laughed while hobbling down the bleachers just as the bell rang, followed by Mike. I could hear them talking trash until they walked all the way across the field. Soda looked at me. "Don't listen to them man, it's just cheap talk."

"Yeah, I know," I said, but honestly I could still hear the entire conversation playing through my head.

**. . .**

Hopefully you liked it; I tried to make it longer for you guys. I know it's still not really long, but it's an approval from the last chapters.

Please drop off a review! It could be a birthday present, I'm officially fourteen (: WOOT WOO!

Thanks to:  
-Independence Undervalued  
-sammy4eva  
-GREEKBLOOD  
-outsider (length was for you!)  
-Believe In Something Bigger  
-wishuy  
-Sierra

Wow, I didn't even realize how many awesome reviews I got until I wrote all your names! I would've updated sooner if I noticed D: I'm sorry

Please review!  



	12. Perfect Getaway

**I do not own The Outsiders.**

**Evie's Pov**

Time slowed down as I saw him. I waited for the arrange of red hair to  
duck behind someone and disappear, like it always seemed to, but it  
never did, because this time it wasn't just my imagination.

I kept walking down the busy hall of my high school, each step seeming  
to be too slow and short. He was walking in the opposite direction,  
towards me. All the noise was blocked out of my ears as we passed each  
other, my eye seemed locked on him.

We were almost by each other, I nearly had escaped him unnoticed when  
his eyes suddenly moved towards me. They met each other for an  
instance, my heart stopped beating in my chest, I felt frozen in time.

Then just like that it was over. His eyes moved away from mine and we  
passed by each other. All the noise resumed in my ears in a big wave  
and I looked over to see Sandy looking weirdly at me. "Were you even  
listening?"

I nodded yes, and she started blabbing on again about Soda, but I  
turned my head just a bit to catch a head of red hair ducking behind a  
corner out of sight.

. . .

I looked up as my room door was opened. Sam stood there, peeking his  
head through the small crack he opened it and looked in. "Steve's here,"

I felt my stomach whirl around inside of me as I nodded a thanks and  
pushed myself off of the bed. I grabbed the small bag of things I  
packed and headed for the door, yelling out good-byes and reminders to  
Sam and my mom.

As I hopped into his car Steve shot me a full-out rare grin before  
pulling me closer to him by my shoulders. "Ready?"

I could only answer yes as I snuggled into his plain white shirt,  
breathing in the aroma of coffee, cigarettes and car exhaust.

I smiled as I looked up at him while he started the car up again, for  
the first time in a while I was happy. This week had been going good;  
Sam had forgiven me the night of our fight, my mom hadn't touched a  
bottle, I got my short term goal weight. I had nearly forgotten about  
seeing my rapist at school, MY school.

I had stopped purging too, but only because there was nothing in my  
stomach in the first place. Puking it up had stopped working, I heard  
from a bathroom stall girls say that your body gets all the nutrients  
and fats after five minutes of eating it. I knew I didn't always get  
to a bathroom that fast, all this time I was forcing up just wasteful  
mess. Also I heard it rots your teeth out.

Not eating was easier, at first the hunger pains really got to me, but  
then they started becoming less painful and frequent, and in under a  
week. If I keep this up I could probably not eat for a couple of days  
and not feel hungry.

Steve pulled out of the driveway, putting the car in second gear and  
driving; the houses passing by in a blur of colour; through the town;  
the East then West Side, out farther then I've ever gone until there  
were no houses, just dirt roads and fields and trees. Until there were  
no people or pressure or hate, until there were just two people, me  
and him. At that moment I was perfectly and honestly filled with  
happiness, nothing could break it.

. . .

"Common Eve," Steve coaxed me out of sleep. I jolted awake with a  
start, heart already out of my chest.

"Calm down," It took me a minute to, but I nodded instantly anyways.  
He looked worried, but only for so short of a moment I wondered if I  
had imagined it. "We're here,"

I gave him a broad grin, pushing his chest gently so he moved away  
enough so I could sit up and opened the car door.

It was dark; I guess we drove for longer than I thought. As my eyes  
adjusted I slowly slid one foot in front of each other, feeling my way  
forwards. Underneath my feet soft leaves crackled and crumbled.

I followed the sole source of light; the white light of the moon,  
partially blocked by branches and leaves. Finally I pushed through the  
last of the bush, my bare feet stumbling into cool sand. A smile  
filled my face.

Water spread out in front of me, the darkness of the sky matching the  
darkness of the water. The reflection of the stars and moon were so  
perfect on the still lake I couldn't tell were the water ended and the  
sky began; it was like standing on the edge of the earth and the only  
thing in front of me were stars and moons and space.

"You like it?" Steve's voice came from behind me.

I took a deep breath, my smile growing.

"I love it."

. . .

I woke up to the sunlight streaming through the car window. I yawned  
and rubbed my eyes trying to wake myself up. After I moment I looked  
around the empty car.

Smiling tiredly at the forest I opened the door and stretched out my  
cramped muscles. I wondered towards the beach hugging the blanket  
around my shoulders. The small grains of sand warmed the soles of my  
feet.

"Hey babe," I cooed, biting my lip to resist laughing. Steve looked up  
from his current task of attaching two poles. The corners of his mouth  
turned up as he looked at me up and down. I self-consciously pulled one  
hand through my hair, biting my lip at the result. I couldn't believe  
I came out here without even looking in the mirror, I probably looked  
ridiculous. I wrapped the blanket tighter around me, as if it'd save  
me from this embarrassment. I was so stupid sometimes, I don't even  
get why people like me.

**Steves POV.**

I was working on putting another pole together, pretty sure I was  
doing it right that time, when I looked up to see Evie standing there  
with a tired little grin on her face. Man I don't think she's ever  
looked better to me. Her hair was messy from sleep, and she was  
wearing the shorts she fell asleep in with a blanket wrapped around  
her shoulders. I couldn't help but smile. "Mornin',"

I had woken up before the sun to see Evie snuggling into my side, her  
curly hair falling across her face, her entire face peaceful. I  
could've stayed in that position forever, if my legs weren't so  
cramped up that was.

It took longer than I thought it would to get down here. I honestly  
didn't even know where I was going until Soda offered me directions to  
the place his daddy used to take him fishing, or try to at least. By  
the time we got here it was dark, and I couldn't set up a tent in the  
middle of day let alone night so we just tried to make ourselves  
comfortable in the car.

Evie had fallen back asleep after only a few minutes, and kept  
sleeping a good couple of hours longer than me, which was good because  
if I'd have messed up on the tent even half the amount of times I had  
of with her watching I doubt I'd ever live it down.

"I'm just gonna go get cleaned up," she mumbled, tucking a wisp of  
stray hair behind her ear and turning away flushed. I just said okay  
and watched her go, wishing she'd just stay the way she was and come  
down here with me.

When she disappeared from sight I turned back to the tent and  
continued propping it up. After a few minutes she came back wearing a  
little yellow dress and her hair done up. She still looked great, but  
I liked her without all the makeup. She didn't need it like some girls  
to look good.

She walked over and eyed the tent. "Isn't it supposed to be pegged  
into the ground or something?"

I looked from the tent back to her. "Naw, it'll be fine," She just  
giggled softly and walk towards me. When she arrived in from of me I  
put my hand under her chin and tilted it up, kissing her gently.

"So, what do you think about swimming?"

**Evie's POV**

I swallowed hard. "I don't got a bathing suit..."

Steve just smirked."Ain't no one here but us,"

I looked at him wide eyed, not at the idea of skinny dipping, but at  
the fact I couldn't think of a decent enough excuse to keep my body  
covered up, until I reached 125Ibs that is.

He laughed and rolled his eyes. "I was kiddin' Evie, I'll stick with  
your 'underwear on' rule, I mean it covers as much as a bathing suit  
would,"

I just forced a smile and nodded. "Alright," No it wasn't alright. I  
was freaking out internally, but externally I was as calm as the lake  
was at that point.

Steve ran back up to the car to grab us some drinks, so I got into the  
water as fast as I could. Gosh it was cold, but I forced myself in  
until the water covered me up to my shoulders. A few seconds later  
Steve came running down the hill, hooting and hollering as held the  
cooler up with one arm.

"Damn that's cold!" he shouted as soon as he was ankle deep. I laughed  
as he hopped around, jumping from one foot to the other. "Don't be a  
wimp," I called out, laughing even more as he stopped hopping about  
and walked deeper towards me instantly.

I started becoming less self-conscious as the day went on and we fooled  
around in the water. I became more confident, even lying down on the  
soft sand and drying off from the sun's rays, leaving the water which  
had become my security blanket.

It was later at night when Steve flopped down on the sand beside me,  
his hair dripping wet, hanging onto his face in long bangs. I joked  
about it, laughing as he kept trying to push it back without grease,  
but honestly it looked good to me.

The sun was setting when Steve's stomach suddenly growled. "Shoot I  
haven't eaten all day," he exclaimed putting a hand into his bare  
stomach. "I'll run up to the car and get some food, you want anything?  
I got some granola bars, bread..."

I shook my head interrupting him. "No it's alright; I had some not too  
long ago when you was working on getting some wood for a fire." Lie,  
all lies, but he believed them.

As he ran into the forest I smuggled up closer to the small fire,  
grabbing his discarded t-shirt from the sand and pulling it over my  
head. It hung loosely off my shoulders and completely engulfed my  
stomach and curves. I hugged it close to me until he came back.

"Well don't you look spiffy," I heard Steve say from behind me. I  
smiled teasingly at him. As his eyes travelled up and down my body  
again he smiled. "I'm not kidding, you look great, but you'd look even  
better out of it,"

I laughed good heartedly before turning back to fire, but something in  
my gut told me he wasn't just joking.

**Steve's POV.**

She laughed, again.

I've been making sexually based jokes all day, trying to see her  
reaction or anything, but she just laughed them all off. I don't know  
if that means she's okay with the idea of it or still opposed to it.

I'd be lying if I said that all the teasing the guys were giving me  
about not 'getting any' wasn't getting to me, because it was. I could  
deal with being called a pussy or wimp a few times, but at one point  
hitting them doesn't make it any better.

Soda tried to stick up for me, but honestly that didn't do nothing. I  
mean how can you defend someone if half of what their saying is true.

As I sat a little too close to Evie I gave her a smile. She was  
looking real good, hair and makeup like it is when she wakes up in the  
morning, natural from the water. There's just something about seeing a  
girl in your shirt that makes it that much better.

I opened up the package of hotdogs I brought down and tried cooking  
them with the fire but that didn't work well. I lost the first two to  
the fire. Finally I gave up and just took a bite of one raw. Evie  
looked at me like I was a cannibal, but it tasted the same to me.

After the dinner I lay out on my back and stared up at the stars. At  
some point Evie must of done the same but I don't really notice, I was  
just busy thinking in general.

I came back to reality when I heard a soft yawn beside me. "Wanna go  
to the tent?" I asked, looking sideways to her.

When she nodded I stood quickly and held out my hand to help her up. I  
dumped some water on the fire embers before following her silhouette  
to the tent.

Honesty I felt a little nervous, unsure if I'd have enough balls to  
make a move her tonight. Your over-thinking it I scolded myself as I  
ducked into the tent.

**Evie's POV.**

I zipped up the tent for Steve as soon as he was entirely in trying to  
keep out any bugs. It was real dark in it until he flicked on a  
flashlight. I looked to the other side of the tent to see his face and  
then my heart started to beat faster.

I realized we were all alone. It wasn't the same as being alone in a  
car, or a room. It wasn't the same at all, and it made me nervous.

I peeled my eyes away from him as I realized I was looking at him with  
deer eyes for the past minute at least.

I puffed my pillow up, my hair falling in front of my face hiding my  
red cheeks. It happened in one swift movement then. I looked up when  
he said my name and next thing I knew my lips were too busy to answer  
kissing his.

I kissed him back naturally, shifting positions so I sat on my behind  
and not my legs. I barely heard the scrape of his knees on the tent  
floor when he began to crawl forwards until his face was overhead mine.

I uncrossed my legs and laid them out flat on the ground so I was  
completely lying down and he crouched over me. Slowly I felt his lips  
drift away from mine and travel to my jaw. I felt myself panic as much  
as I tried to resist it. "Steve. . ." I whispered quietly.

He continued to move down lower, kissing my neck tenderly, with every  
kiss my heart picking up pace. My eyes flickered around the tent  
nervously, I felt trapped. I shuffled under him, feeling the need to  
move. "Steve,"

_It's just Steve, he ain't gonna hurt you. It's just Steve, he ain't  
gonna hurt you. It's just Steve, he ain't gonna hurt you. It's just Steve, he ain't  
gonna hurt you. _Even though my mind believed it my body didn't.

He kept kissing lower, sucking on my collarbone gently. "Steve." I  
almost was begging now, too scared to raise my voice but too  
uncomfortable to not say anything.

Suddenly I felt hands on my waist, drifting down to my hips, numb here  
his skin made contact. Red swam in front of my eyes, I needed to  
escape. "Steve!"

The monster inside me took over for an instance, using my hands to  
push him off of me. I wasn't in control, I was watching through a  
window from the back of my mind as he looked at me from where he sat  
up, my hands shaking on my knees.

We stared at each other a moment, before the monster settled down with  
my heart. I came back in control, glancing away from his eyes. "I'm  
sorry," I heard him mumble; I knew his eyes were probably doing the  
same as my own.

"It's fine..." I murmured, crawling into my sleeping bag. I laid down  
facing the wall, my back to him. After a few minutes I heard him  
shuffle around and shut off the light. It was only then I allowed  
myself to wipe off the hot tears from my face.

**Steve's POV**

I fell asleep staring at her spine after hours of restlessness.

I couldn't get her face out of my mind. She looked so scared. At me.  
If I could take it back I would, I'd give anything to take it back. I  
didn't want to hurt her, God I'd never hurt her. I'd never hurt any  
girl, but especially not Evie.

Why did I let any of those guys bother me, why did I care what they  
thought? I didn't need their damn approval, I had something none of  
them had; a girlfriend. Now because of them I might've lost her.

She looked so scared; it was like it wasn't even her. I should've just  
stopped when she said to...I didn't know I'd scare her so bad. I  
don't even know what I did.

**Evie's POV**

I woke up to an empty tent, no surprise there. Even after I woke up I  
sat in it for a while, not knowing what to do when I saw Steve. I  
tried to plan it out, imagine it. I thought I had it down pat by the  
time I walked out of the humid tent, but as soon as I saw him my voice  
went silent and my mouth fell into a perfect 'o'.

He looked over at me suddenly, pushing himself up and off the beach  
and walking over to me in a few long strides. We stood in silence for  
a moment, and I opened my mouth to speak. "Look Steve I-"

My eyes opened wide as his lips pressed against mine mid-sentence. I  
stopped taking and closed my mouth, feeling his needy lips against my  
own. His were needy, but gentle, not rough or forceful.

After a second he pulled back and our eyes met. "I'm sorry."

He said it and I could only nod, unsure of how to react when I'd come  
here to say the exact same thing. After a moment I forced a grin,  
determined to set things back to normal. He grinned back and for a  
moment I thought we were okay.

And to anyone watching us we would seem to be; splashing around in the  
water, setting up a blanket on the beach and eating a picnic, cuddling  
in the sand to watch the sunset. To anyone else we'd seem like a  
perfectly happy couple. What they'd miss though is the slight  
hesitation he made before wrapping his arms around me, the look of  
'okay' I had to give him before he would kiss me, the worried look in  
his eye as he watched me from a distance thinking I didn't know.

We both acted the same, but that's just what it was, acting. By the  
end of the day I didn't know if I wanted to burst into tears or scream  
at him. I just wanted things to go back to normal.

I looked over at Steve from inside my sleeping bag. He was looking  
straight up at the fabric roof, arms crossed behind his head. Pressing  
my lips into a thin line I slid out of my sleeping bag, crawling to  
him quietly.

He looked up surprised as he realized my presence, but couldn't get  
any words out before I kissed him. I forced my mind back, turning my  
body mechanical.

Crawling atop him I kissed more passionately, my screaming mind finally  
going silent as my body took control of itself. I could feel his  
hesitation before he kissed me back. Body numb and mind shut off I  
jumped off the deep and started pulling his shirt over his head.

He took that as an okay, helping me undress him and myself. He looked  
down at me cautiously only minutes later. "You sure you want to do  
this."

I bit my lip and nodded yes, scared that if I opened my mouth I'd end  
up screaming or bawling. Finally he pushed in.

. . .

I thought that once we did it it'd be okay, I'd feel better, less  
dirty maybe, and he'd be happier. That we'd be closer and I'd feel  
good enough. But it turned out all wrong.

I crossed my arms across my chest later, facing the wall as I did the  
night before, hot tears falling down my face. I could hear his deep  
breathing behind me, and feel his warm touch where his arms wrapped  
around me.

But it wasn't the same. I was still dirty, if not dirtier. The monster  
inside me was eating me apart, scratching and tearing at my insides  
with sharp claws and fangs angered at my weakness. I was disgusting,  
not good enough for anyone.

The tears tickled as they passed by my nose but I couldn't wipe them  
off, I was too scared to move.

That was the worst part; that I couldn't sleep because I could feel  
his arms around me, numb where they touched. Everywhere I looked I saw  
red. This time it wasn't going away

**. . . . **

**I'm sorry it took so long. I swore I'd never use excuses to take**  
**time getting chapters out, but I am this once because it will affect**  
**my updating in the future too. I am moving, both at my mom's house and**  
**dads so I never really have time. I will try as hard as I can but**  
**please try to understand.**

**Random Fact:**  
**In our world:**  
**1210 people are billionaires**  
**2.5 Million people are millionaires**  
**1.5 billion people love on less than 1 dollar a day.**

**Pretty messed eh?**

**Anyways thanks to:**  
**-wishuy**  
**-CherryV.83**  
**-GREEKBLOOD**  
**-ChrystalSpinning**  
**-Believe In Something Bigger**  
**-Independance Undervalued**  
**-sammy4eva**

**For reviewing, even though it may not show it really means so much.**  
**I'm really trying to write once a night for you guys!**

**Please review, I know I don't deserve them, but they're really**  
**inspiring when I want to go to bed but stay up to write instead :)**

**Ps Ratings bumped up to M, sorry if offends anyone.**


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